Some people laugh when I say I help couples achieve conception stress-free.
A friend once said it’s more likely to drive through NYC without getting caught in a traffic jam.
I have noticed that it has become normal to be overwhelmed by the whole process and to worry that it might never work out if it hasn’t worked out for the past months or even years.
If you’re in that boat, I get you.
Please hear me out. I don’t belittle what you are going through.
What I want to share is a different view on stress.
Use your emotions or be used by your emotions
A lot of the available fertility advice and the tools make couples more stressed, not less.
Track this. Optimize that. Time everything perfectly. The harder you try to control conception, the more elusive it becomes.
I know this controlling pattern intimately.
At 26, I burned out as a banker from trying to control and achieve everything yesterday.
Fun fact: I even bought a magazine titled “How to spot signs of burnout” just months before it happened. Knowing what happens, seeing the cliff, and still not being able to change course.
That experience taught me how destructive the "do more, control more" mindset can be.
After a long journey of recovery, I have made it my mission to help couples understand something crucial:
Stress comes from within, and luckily, there are science-backed tools to help you break free.
In simple terms, it means your emotions serve you instead of controlling you.
The Difference Between Worry and Being Consumed
Normal worry shows up when you're nervous before an IVF appointment. That's functional.
Being consumed looks different.
It's when conception dominates every evening conversation.
When Netflix becomes background noise for solution googling.
When everything gets tracked and rigid and tight.
I can see it in couples' faces. Subtle expressions of anger, fear, or guilt.
Their shoulders stay tense. Their breathing gets shallow.
The emotion is driving them instead of serving them.
Our Emotional Backpack
I use something called the backpack technique with couples.
During our first session, I ask about all the emotional baggage they're carrying. Fears, worries, anger, shame. Everything that occupies mental space.
Then we tackle issues one by one using a simple scale. I ask how stressed they feel about each topic, from negative 10 to positive 10.
Anything below negative 2 usually needs work.
Here's what happens when we address those deeper stress points: shoulders drop. Tears flow. Sometimes laughter. A complete shift in how they talk about their future.
New neural pathways form. The old stress signals from the amygdala find different routes.
What used to trigger a stress reaction becomes much lighter or doesn’t happen at all.
The Garden Approach
I believe that our bodies know how to conceive if our minds stop interfering.
There are medical exceptions, of course.
But in most cases, stress creates the biggest barrier to pregnancy.
Think of it like tending a garden. We can try to force growth (pretty futile) or let Mother Nature take the lead and assist whenever necessary.
One female client told me:
"I used to be stressed by expectations from family and friends. After our sessions, I now know I will have kids one day. I don't know when or how. But I will become a mother."
That's the shift. From urgency and control to trust and openness.
We Are Human Beings
The biggest thing couples miss about stress?
We are human beings, not human doings.
Success is often measured in how much we achieve or how fast.
But real success is about the feelings we feel along the way.
This doesn’t mean we have to avoid unpleasant emotions.
But we need to understand what they mean and how they want to serve us.
Each emotion carries a distinct message.
And when we listen, we can reach our goals faster.
Our bodies already know what to do.
Sometimes the kindest thing is to get our minds out of the way.